Making a New Year’s resolution for most of us is often a brisk thought. Just a reminder, two more days and we’re entering 2022. We oftentimes create a list that we want to achieve yet it appears that we keep on writing the same list annually. The tale is never-ending, yet it’s a routine that we continue and abandon eventually. The big question remains how to achieve those resolutions and keep them.
Tina Balachandran, MSc., LCP, CCTP, Director of Middle East Psychological Association (MEPA), Qatar Chapter, and Co-Founder of Flourishing Minds, a psychologist with 17 years experience stresses that achieving the resolution is to set small goals.
“We often talk about things that we want to achieve but we don’t really plan how. Set small goals, start small and make a clear action plan in terms of how you are actually going to achieve that goal. When you have clear actionable step, it makes it more feasible, achievable, and attainable in that point of view, otherwise it will be an abstract,” she explained.
Oftentimes, our resolutions are focused on doing or achieving a specific goal, disregarding the process. Tina disclosed we should give ourselves a permission to change one behaviour at a time.
“A lot of times we look at New Year’s resolution and say we want to do this and this, so let’s make it one step at a time, it’s more practical, more focused on how you’re going to achieve it,” she explained.
Tina also narrowed down two factors that define the goal: Externally-driven and internally-driven. Internally-driven is something we wanted for ourselves, while externally-driven is the outside factor that influenced us.
“When it’s internally-driven, you are more likely to work towards it because now you are doing it for yourself. An external-driven one can become an internal-driven as well, but internally-driven makes you work towards it. You’re likely to because it’s more yours, you’re doing it for yourself, and more passionate about it.”
The well-established tool SMART Goals will make your objectives achievable. S stands for specific, M as measurable, A – achievable, R – relevant, and T – time bound.
Now, we have set our goals, written it, how do we start and how do we keep the momentum?
Tina advised to make the journey enjoyable. “It does not have to be a strict 24/7 routine. If it is, then it’s becoming a chore. I have to do this and that. All the pleasures are taken out to it. Rather than having all seven days, you might give one portion to treat yourself, it’s about you trying to navigate the process,” she disclosed.
Let’s do a little experiment here. Close your eyes after you’ve read this paragraph - don’t think of a pink elephant, don’t think of a pink elephant. Do this for 10 seconds while constantly saying on your head ‘don’t think of a pink elephant’.
Done? What did you imagine? A pink elephant right? Now, let’s do another experiment, this time telling your head to think of a pink elephant, think of a pink elephant. Do the same pattern as before.
Tina hit the point when she explained about it: “This talks about the language and what we are telling ourselves. Quite often, we talk about what we should not be doing. We criticise when we make mistakes, we do not appreciate when we make changes that are positive, even how small the steps are. So it’s about changing the way we talk to us.”
Talk about perfection, we were wired to be perfect, yet the only perfect is the word itself. “It’s not about perfection, right? It’s about the process of achieving it. So even if you’re able to make a small change, that’s still a change,” she said.
Accomplishing a goal is not a one way street, everything is a process, even our resolution. “When you have an ambition and you have a goal that you’re working, there’s a process that takes you towards it. And when people are able to educate themselves and understand the process, it makes it simpler for them to break it down.”
It’s not a smooth road, I tell you. There will be some road blocks ahead.
She recommended to reflect on those mistakes. “It’s also helpful to reflect on what are the mistakes, where did you have the lapse? Reflect on that and make a stronger plan for the New Year when you work towards those goals, when we don’t reflect, we’re just not learning from the pattern.”
All is going smooth on achieving our target, here’s another tip – the 5:1 ratio.
“For every 5 times, appreciate yourself, every small step that you make is a progress to where you want to achieve. Every time you do something, appreciate yourself, when you have 5 pats on your back, you can have a permission to criticise yourself once.”
Narrowing it down, Tina suggested these points:
• Write your goals
• Have an accountability partner or buddy, someone who can motivate and check-in on you
• Keep your goals more manageable rather than bigger goals
• Do a mental visualisation; what will I be when I achieved it?
And, one more advise from our expert: “The key is to have small achievable concrete goal that you can work on, giving yourself permissions to take breaks, to ask a support you need. Because you’re not alone in the process. Also, appreciate yourself, being grateful for every little step that you’re able to make, I think it’s the key element towards having a happy you.”
Are you ready for the New Year, new you? I hope you are. Happy New Year to you!
